I Cheated...

I am cheating; my husband knows and in fact encouraged it.  I am pregnant with my third child, and although this pregnancy was planned, it feels really different. It feels like I am cheating on the two little people that I love more than life, my son and daughter. I have a healthy boy and girl, why do I need another? Well, because I want one.

My desire to have a large family has existed since day one. I grew up as an only child and always wondered what a large family would feel like—and now I will know.  I sometimes feel the need to defend my decision to expand my family. People tend to automatically accept a third child when your first two are of the same gender—clearly you must be trying for your first boy/girl. Then what is my excuse? Well, I don’t need one and don’t have one. That being said, I still wonder how I will handle the change of having two of the same gender. I can no longer say, “ You are my favorite little boy/girl in the world”. Now someone will be one of my favorites. That is a small but daunting change coming my way and while it seems insignificant the idea has blown my mind.

It is harder for me to get excited about the birth of my third child in the way I did with my first and second. I don’t need any cute baby clothes, strollers, accessories-- nothing. I have it all, and then some. This time around, to add some variety my husband and I decided not to find out the gender. That is the hardest thing in the world for this girl who used to secretly unwarp Christmas presents to ruin the surprise. It drives my friends and family nuts, but I refuse to change my mind. I have people guessing the gender based on every old wives tale in the book, however my doctor swears to me they hold no truth. For those wondering this baby’s heart rate comes in in the high 160’s, but as my doctor says, “tell those people certain you are having a girl they have a 50% chance of being right.“

All I know is life will be crazy with three kids, I have no idea how I will handle it. When I think about it for too long I get very overwhelmed but I remind myself I felt this way before my daughter and son were born. Life is always crazy, no matter your circumstances so I just know that we will make it work. We will stop at three kids, so this will be my last baby. There is a level of sadness and excitement that follows that reality. I very much look forward to meeting this baby and receiving the surprise of a lifetime in the delivery room, giving this baby a birth story that can rival not even that of my firstborn.